| just thinking |
[July 5th, 2007] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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ok well im at work right now & i kinda finished all of it so let's just see what's on my mind. well a lot has been going on since way back when i worte that last entry. the whole travis situation spun all out of control messing up my life, making it the most depressed year of my life, but the good news is im over that fool. well during my hiatus from LJ i also kinda meet someone, MIKEE BIBAT. man that fool. we had really good times, but someone TRAVIS had to come around & mess everything up..but also i do take blame of course but most of it is on MIKEE, he didn't have to just leave me & just let me cry too..like he can't even talk about it..whatever it's always the easy way out with him..whatever..yea i miss him but honestly if he can't grow the balls to actually tell me what happened or what's up, then whatever with him..ANYWAYS..im a senior now! woop woop!! DON'T HATE, CAUSE YOU AIN'T, OH EIGHT..anwyays..yessir, hella going big next year..swing prez, band vp, senior class sec. holla!..i am a busy girl,, a workinng one a that..yup up JDP hahahaha it's cool i make bank here =] let's see what else..oh yea the wedding..im going to texas next month & i am scared out of my mind cause we gots to take the plane!! freaking nana & she has a really weird taste in stuff..anways yea..& im dancing for her..so i should get on that..hula for sure & im thinking about tahitian..i think bothw ould be sick with it. well umm i actually don't know what else to write right now so i think i might cut it here....holla holla!
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| it's sad. |
[July 14th, 2006] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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so i went to shannon's casa a couple of days ago & of course you know who was there..but like i noticed that before he came inside he stopped & looked at me through the window..? weird..anyways!! later i asked him if it was ok for me to bring jacob over & he was like yes but then was like "i'll clean his bowl" & i was like "i want to too" & he was like "too bad"..7 for some reason i got really mad & was like "you know what i've been taking care of him all this time without you" & blah blah...i was just mad plus he didn't even look at me..beezie...then i asked him "are we doing swing still" & was like "yes" whateva..foo...anyways..i went home & actually had the guts to IM him.."why were you being so mean to me?" & was like "well my back hurt sorry im in a bad mood" anyways!!!!!! so then the next day me & shannon hit the mall again to pass time & met up with our bro JOHN!..so then we were all walking oh & guess who we see..the fucking ass beezie..& it gets better..she's not with travis, not with her girls..but with like 5 other guys.!! like how bad is that..seriously..7 shannon was saying how bad it looks cause like come on it was his sister, his best friend, & his ex..like hella bad..then shannon & i went back to her casa & he was home & shannon said "we saw your girlfriend at the mall with all kinds of guys" & travis was totally like "well i know them" & he said it all defensive..like chill..frekaing his info "i live a love story"..shut the fuck up travis...i love but i hate how stupid your acting..anyways..me & shannon chilled & i love our random talks 7 then she droppped me off at open gym @ EVHS & it was great..hella fun..then shannon picked me up & her & her mom got me red robin..!! i love them!..then we went home & watched MAKING THE BAND..yee yee oh & we also watched the hills but mostly project runway..hella great..well then i went home & yea..& today i had a dentist app. freaking cavities..but it was ok..my lip was hella numb!! then i went to watch CLICK with my big sis shannon & my 2nd mom sheryl..which was great!! i love that movie..then we ate at Red Robin..yea two days in a row...but we love red robin..then i came home & chilled..totally bored..but tomorrow there is a family party..hawaiian style as rosie says..& yea..i still need to bring jacon over =/ i wonder how that will work out..
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| I have no idea. |
[July 12th, 2006] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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Beatles |
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SO man a couple of days ago i went to sleep at freaking 6:30am talking to my babygirl REYNA..man i love her always helps me vent..yea so then i went to bed & woke up & got ready kinda like cleamed my room & stuff then at 6:00pm i went to open gym & Indy & man-o-man it was so fun but then like our team kicked ass since it was EVHS & IHS mostly like can't touch us foo..hahha anyways it was cool. my serve got really good. SO anyways i came home & planned to hang with my Sis Shannon but then it was getting late...so then she made me some CLENSING CDs & man they're great...2 CDs of crazy i miss you, why did you do this, etc. sad ass songs.. & then 2 CDs of fuck you, im better, you lost the best thing ever, etc. happy songs..but so far i only listened to the SAD CD..but dang!! I CRIED MY POOR LITTLE EYES OUT! like dang hella bad crying cause like while i listened to them little mini-movies of me & Travis played in my head..OMG! hella bad im going to start crying now cause i realized we have hella memories..it sucks..but yea i cried & then i stopped the CD hugged Melissa & cried again! saying "i hate Travis, how could he do this to me, i gave him everything, i trusted him." like dang hella bad but wow its crazy so now im all depressed & stuff..=[ very very sad...but its ok i think cause im suppose to have a Big Sis Lil Sis Day with SHANNON & she always brightens my day!!..love her! Sp i Hate Travis i can't believe him. He's a jerk.!! =[ then why do i miss him...gosh i hate it..it sucks cause you never think that the one person who completed you, who you gave your whole heart too, who meant the world to you, would ever hurt you so bad..but i want to stop here cause i don't want to cry right now..=/
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| man-o-man |
[July 11th, 2006] |
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mood |
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but hopeful |
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music |
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Blink 82 |
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so it's late i know..but i just got the urge to write. So the last couple of days have been pretty crazy. yea i broke down AGAIN but then my big sis Shannon came to my rescue as always plus cris who is always there to talk..so i went to lunch with my sis on Sunday & it was great. She always knows exactly what to say..& she also said that you know how Travis changed his status to "in a relationship" well she said earlier that day she was like yea why are not claiming dog pound & all this stuff & he tried to be like well i forget everytime i go on..so then he was like fine then ill do it now..so he logs on & then what..he just checks his comments..like WTF hella hesitant..then changes it later that night!? whateva..i know that with me though..he freaking had that shit on "in a relationship" before we got together..so like WTF..anyways..so today i went to the movies with my big sis & we had a ball..wel watched The Devil Wears Prada which was such a good movie..i loved it..well it made me hella want to go & create a new look..so anyways..i plan to hang with my big sis a lot cause she's almost going to leave, which sucks like hell. =[..but hopefully i'll visit her..& we plan to totally have a sis week..hopefully we spend time together tomorrow..but dang tomorrow i am suppose to be busy but ehh..like i want to go run to popes house but then again..im kinda lazy..=/ not good..but then yea i have stuff to do & im like OMG..but dang out of nowhere..but like there has been signs of Travis.. a lot of weird signs..like so i was watching this show i never watch & when i start to play attention this boy hands this lady a piece of paper with the name "keane DRISCOLL" like yea iknow it's not spelled the same but dude wheni heard them pronouce it ..it was the same..i was like WTF..hella weird casue that's not a common name at all...& yea i see TM everywhere & freaking 10:24..omg but i don;t know..i guess i just miss him..i know its bad but i really do..like hella much..i just wish you know..but like he's changed...it's just disappointing, he totally is not the same. if only i could talk to him & see whats going on in his head cause i think he's confused..like he turned into everything he didn't want to..JERK..i don't know but i definately need that clensing..i just want to see him again..like him him not him the "new" Travis..the old one..=/ well my hope is not fading for some reason but im kinda glad cause i know he will always have a spot in my heart but he doesn't have my trust at all..it sucks i feel like i lost the love of my life, my best friend, my protector, my one in a million, & my heart..i wish he could just realize all of this..it just makes me feel like crap i guess..to think he knows what he's doing & not care about me at all..like at all..never said sorry, never said how are you..nothing..& still has the nerves to do these random things that make me think..Shannon & I were chatting she said something like "don't you just wonder what he thinks about before he goes to sleep at night"..hopefully sometimes it is me..but he's put me through so much i don't know what to think sometimes..i know what i think & i think he was still my one & only but that person is gone & may never come back..but hopefully it hits him & hits him hard..cause i am not going anywhere & ina way that is a good & bad thing but i don't think i will go on not having Travis in my life cause i have & will always have Shannon..i love her of course..& for some reason i think he knows that & is using it to his advantage..i just wish things would go good for me..but then again Angela thinks i should see what happens with Gary..GARY GARY GARY..he's a crazy but you know..back then i did have a thing..but i wasn't sure..i don't know its just that i know im going to be thinking about Travis for a long ass time..& still i know i won't lose hope but Shannon said that i just have to learn & get used to controling it..hopefully..always hopefully..
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| I HATE DRAMA |
[July 9th, 2006] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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music |
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"i feel so" -box car racer |
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Just when i thought it was all over..yes i started crying again..last night..kinda because at San Francisco we were listening to all these songs that totally had to do with my situation with Travis..all about "im done being mad". "no one can take your place". "i've tried to go out with others guys but its not the same". etc..but like ahhh plus i saw four volvos too..like fuck..esp. that i saw three of them bascially in a row..i saw the second one & barely said "if i see an-" & what happens another volvo passes by..LIKE WTF..hella signs still..plus 10:24..hate it..but its faith..& we went to twin peaks & i stood there thinking about T the whole time..anyways..a little good news......TODAY WE GOT OUR TICKETS FOR ANGELS & AIRWAVES!! YEEEE so yea..tkae that Travis..ok so then more drama..so today i was talking to Gary & i said be right back & he was like ok then ill miss you, so i put my away message as " AWWW I AM MISSED BY GARY"..now i have no idea if that has to do with anything but..i noticed travis was on..& maybe he saw it..maybe he didn't but..i found out he later changed his page by first taking me off his TOP 8..eww & then adding that he's "in a relationship" so of course i go hurt since i was already feeling hurt..plusi saw him a couple of days ago..ok so then i confined in Shannon, Reyna & Jin'nia..& they..of course being very protective left me comments on how they hella hate T & what an idiot he is..& Shannon left him a comments saying "martial status:booooooo" & he totally erased it..like ewww i will copy & paste their comments at the end..ok then i went to "hers" & saw he left her a hella perverted comment saying something like "give me my pants foo" like hell to the no..i seriously don't trust him with her..i seriously think they may have "done somethings" eww i don't even want to think about it..but yea then freaking gary was cheering me up to..oh & about Tyler.not going to work out..we just don't click plus he's not my type..he's anice guy & all but there is no real connection you know..sorry Shannon i know you liked him..but also i found out Angela kinda has a thing for him..so i don't want to get btw that..we had a nice talk me & her..i just hope Tyler doesn't like me..that would suck..anyways..wheni tried to tell Christena what happened with Travis..she freaking pissed me off..TRYING TO TELL ME IM BEING A STALKER & BEING A BAD PERSON..LIKE WTF..& IT HELLA SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS DEFENDING HIM..SHE FUCKING DOESN'T KNW ANYTHING..SHE DOESN'T KNOW TRAVIS OR WHAT WE HAD..LIKE WTF..TRYING TO SAY "ITS BEEN LIKE HOW LONG YOU SHOULD BE OVER HIM" LIKE WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS TRYING TO TELL ME WHEN TO GET OVER IT..FUCK THAT!! ANYWAYS ALSO SAYING HE;S BEING MATURE..WTF..HELLO HE FUCKING HASN'T TOLD ME ANYTHING..TRYING TO BE MY FRINED BUT NOT BE MY FRIEND..TAKING ME OFF HIS SHIT..LIKESUCH THE FUCK UP..I LOVE THE GIRL BUT FUCK OFF..YOU DON'T KNOW..ANYTHING..IT PISSES ME OFF.YOU MADE ME SEEM LIKE I DESERVE ALL THAT & HE DOESN'T..LIKE WTF..WHAT KIND OF FRIEND ARE YOU..GOSH!!!!!!! anyways..man i need to calm down..i just wish none of this happened..i don't know where me & T will be after this..i don't think he's going to be up to Swing at least for my grandma..only school cause he has no choice..eww..whateva..let's see if he has the guts to tell me, to my face, what is going on......i want to be his friend still fuck i hate that..i want to end up with him still...but after all this i don't knw..all i know is i still have my hope...=/ hopefully things will work out..& i have to say this I FUCKING HATE THAT HOMEWRECKING, BUTT UGLY, "WANNABE MODEL", SLUTTY, SHIT TALKING, BEEZIE ASS, WHO NEEDS TO GO & FUCK AROUND WITH SOMEONE ELSE BITCH YOU HAVE NO HISTORY WITH HIM..YOUR NOT HIS FIRST LOVE..I AM BITCH..OKI HAVE TO STOP IN GETTING MAD...i hope KARMA hits both of you & i get through it all..
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| My Thursday |
[July 7th, 2006] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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music |
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The Adventure-Angels & Airwaves |
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ok well today i woke up at 6:00am thanks to Tyler..that guy be crazy..so he ran to my house & then we ran to Lake Cunningham but actually walked most of the way..then we walked to 7-11 & this Mexican Bakery & got these yummy cookies..then we walked to his house..so basically i walked around the world today..so at his house we chilled & i fell asleep..then i woke up & Tyler made me a CD w/ all these Hyphy Songs..how funny. then we drove to this place so he could get his new RAZOR phone..then i got dropped home..got ready & was off to the movies..we watched THE FAST & THE FURIOUS: TOKYO DRIFT & personally i thought it was great..then we went shopping a little & i bought a shirt for $7 at Hollister..but like Tyler took forever to shop..dang! but anyways then i was dropped home & off to my night w/ my bis sis SHANNON..so of course i missed her dang come back from NEW YORK..so we talked about how at New York Travis was being really distant from his family & how Shannon & Kristen were baggin on him about that fucking beezie..like i guess Travis was saying something like "so me & ali went to the pound the other day" & Shannon said "why cause you wanted to return her" like hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahaha funny ass shit..so now whenever Shannon goes around Travis she says "dog pound" & like when they were at Build-A-Bear Sheryl asked Travis [just to be nice] "do you want to make allison one?" & Shannon threw him a dog bear..like hahahhahahaha...ok i LOVE SHANNON..so after alll that..Travis came home..early & Shannon & I were wondering why? & also he looked really mad when he got home..so Shannon was like dude you need to encounter him..so as i "went to the bathroom" Shannon went in Travis' room to talk to him, theni came out & ask Shannon "are you ready?" & T tried to say peace to me..anwyays theni was like i need to do it again..so i pretended i went to her room to get something but then she got me this TURTLE i named him JINGLE =]..Oh & they got me this COACH purse LIKE YEEE YEEE..i love them!! ...ok so then i was like no i have to do something...soo we walking to his room pretending to look for shoes for Shannon & i just brang up "so would you want to do swing" & he was totally like "yea sure" & we started talking..OMG..then we talked about Jacob & he was like "you never called me back" & i was like "oh well i didn't want to call you back, i thought you were going to call me back" & he was like "no" thne iwas like "yeah just call me whever your free cause your always out" & i said it all sarcasticly..& then he was like ok..then i was like "yea you call me & maybe ill message you' hahah in your face bitchi am NOT going to call you..then i was about to leave & as i walked out the dorr he came out of his room & i was like WTF? & then he opened the garage & started skating like WTF.."i skate when Michelle leaves at 11:00". anyways then as we pulled out he went back into the garage & stared at us as we drove away..like ahhhh..i hate him like how he's changes but like i lookat him & damn it brings me back you know..to the good times..i can see a little of the old him come back out when im around you know..but i wish he'd come back cause i miss him..everyone does..but hopefully him & his beezie got in a fight cause she'a bitch!! anyways moving on....ITS MANANG MELISSA'S 18TH BIRTHDAY HOLLA HOLLA & we're all going to the beach & man i wish Travis could come along..but ehhh..he lost me..BEEZIE..i hope he stayed awake a little longer thinking about me as he was laying down..he misses me..i WILL get him back..watch..the question is..will i take him back..ok well that's all for now..peace =]
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| My Saturday |
[July 2nd, 2006] |
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So to start off..i know its late but i have to write..it's 3:20am & i need to hit the hay but after i write..so today i went to my Auntie Wilma's house for her party & man-o-man did she get drunk..so funny..i also saw a lot of family which is always good..like RJ & Elaine & the new baby Jaden. He's so cute & chubby. Well so while i was at the party, Tyler texts me asking if i want to go out with him tomorrow which is basicly today. His texts are cute..very short & sweet..he just asked if i wanted to go to a party & that all i have to do is say yes & he'll set up my ride & stuff like..awww..or he wants to go to the mall & shop which i am hoping for..he's great guy but i have no idea where this is going but man-o-man you never know...somthing that was weird was that i was reading my first draft of this blog, about the part about Tyler, guess who's name pops up on TV..yup TRAVIS..man i swear there are signs of him everywhere..it makes me miss him..plus i have this strong belief that " Signs are gods way of pointing you to your destiny 'cause there are no coinicendences." but i don't know..i just think i need to test the waters for now..nothing serious 'casue there will always be that void only Travis is able to fill..i just miss the old him..so anyways..i was also talking to my big bro John & he always gives great advice but sometimes he kinda makes it seem like i don't know nothing bad but not necessarily good either you know..i don't know hard to explain but like yea Travis is also being a jerk to Shannon which i hate..so when Shannon comes back we are going to have a Big Sis-Lil Sis Day so Travis can suffer..he deserves it..punk ass bastard..ok well i guess i should head on to bed & ill definately write back on what happens on me & Tyler's little "date" i guess..=] im so shy..oh & John was sending me instrumentals so i need to write some flows & post my funny videos..=] ok well later & goodnight..oh & don't do drugs..
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| Randomness |
[July 1st, 2006] |
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MY FEELINGS RIGHT NOW ARE MIXED CAUSE I HATE YOU BUT AT THE SAME TIME I LOVE YOU. WELL NOT YOU BUT WHO YOU USED TO BE. YOU HAVE CHANGED FOR THE WORSE & I HOPE THAT SHIT BITES YOU IN THE ASS CAUSE KARMA IS A BITCH & IT IS OUT TO GET YOUR ASS. I HATE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOW A LIAR & A COWARD, A HOMEWRECKER & A JERK. THINGS I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D BECOME BUT YOU HAVE. YOUR A SAD LITTLE BOY WHO'S LOST CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID & WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG BUT YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE TO RUN EXCEPT HER.WHY? NOT BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER BUT BECAUSE SHE WAS THAT ONLY PERSON YOU KNEW WOULD EXCEPT YOU BECAUSE SHE'S EASY.YES. AN EASY SAD LITTLE SLUTTY ASS HOMEWRECKER WHO THINKS SHE CAN GET WHOEVER SHE WANTS. BUT SHE MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE BY COMING BETWEEN US.& YOU.I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SUNK SO LOW TO ACTUALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL ALL THIS SHIT OFF & STILL HAVE ME..WELL FUCK YOU. IF YOU THINK ITS GOING TO LAST WITH HER, YOUR TRIPPING & I HAVE TO ASK WHAT THE SUCK ARE YOU SMOKING CAUSE THAT BEEZIE IS JUST A SLUT & A FUCKING REBOUND. SO HANDLE THAT SHIT. I WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU BUT YOU JUST COULDN'T HANDLE IT COULD YOU. YOU COULDN'T HANDLE CARING FOR SOMEONE ELSE EXCEPT YOURSELF. CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE..YOU ARE A SICK LITTLE CONCEITED ASS BITCH WHO HAS TO HAVE EVERYTHING HE WANTS & THINGS ALWAYS HAVE TO GO HIS WAY. BUT WHEN THEY DON'T, THAT'S WHEN YOU BREAKDOWN, YOU KNOW WHY, CAUSE YOUR WEAK. YOUR NOT THE BEST, & I HATE THAT YOU THINK THAT WAY. YOUR NOT SUPERIOR SO STOP ACTING LIKE IT. YOU HAVE IT SO EASY THAT IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF YOU COULDN'T HANDLE IT. BUT IT'S COMING. KARMA IS A BITCH. & IM SO ABOVE IT ALL.
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